Be loved by her
by Jaymamamzing1
Summary: All Holly ever wanted was to be loved by her, but you can't always get what you want right? Holly/Emma, Will/Holly fic.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Please don't hate me for this. This is a Will/Emma/Holly fic. This is from Holly's POV. And thank you so so so so much to Nicole (ma1teo) my beta for editing and reading this for me! ;-)

* * *

I opened the door and surprised was an understatement to what I felt when I saw Emma Pillsbury outside Will Schuester's apartment door. She seemed pretty shocked as well. I wasn't in Lima for the whole week; just visiting for a few days. I know Emma's not very fond of me; maybe that explains why she looked so horrified when I opened the door. Her beautiful bambi eyes widened and she muttered "Oh my God," quietly. Maybe hoping I wouldn't hear but I did.

"Holly." She finally says.

After that, all I've been working for the past week went down the slope; my ideas of getting over this red headed clean freak were all but gone. She's gorgeous and you don't even despise your boyfriend, Will, for still being in love with Emma even if you're together. Of course Will doesn't admit it but I'm Holly Holliday, I can sense these kinds of things. The only thing keeping Will and I from breaking up is that he and I love Emma Pillsbury; well that's why I'm staying with him. Emma and Will are very close friends and by being with Will, I would most likely get the chance to see Emma.

Well that's what's happening now. I'm pretty sure she came here to see Will.

"Why are you here?" she asks me. I eye her as she bites her perfect pink lips.

I give her a small laugh, trying to make it look like I'm comfortable when in fact I'm burning inside.

"The real question is what are you doing here?" She gives me a scared puppy dog look and I realize that I find it cute and adorable. "I'm Will's girlfriend so it's normal for me to be in his apartment." I tell her and she looks hurt by what I just said. I know she's uneasy about Will and I; she confessed to me the week I was a substitute that she is still in love with Will. Even if I'm fully aware that she got hurt because she wants Will for herself, I pretended that she was hurt because she wants me for herself and she despises Will.

"I want to talk to Will." It has just been a few minutes since she looked like a scared little puppy dog but she seems determined to see him.

"He had to go out." I tell her. "He had to go to the store to buy some tomatoes for dinner but you can wait inside if you please," I tell her.

She gasps. "No, no, I don't want to ruin your date." She says that slowly, as if she wasn't sure if she meant it.

"No it's okay. I'm sure Will would be the happy to see you," I tell her. I take her hand and try to act cool about it as I bring her to the couch. We both sit there and she smiles awkwardly at me. That's when I remember that she is a clean freak and I just held her hand, she looked really uneasy about it. I decided to not make matters worse and just leave her be. A few seconds later she got some Purell and started rubbing it on her hands. She was counting, probably to keep track of how long she's been cleaning her hands and figure if it's as sanitized as she pleases.

Gosh she's adorable.

It's been five minutes and she finally stops with the obsessive hand rubbing.

"Holly, Ca-Carl and I got a divorce." I turn around, shocked.

"I'm so sorry Emma." I wasn't, Carl doesn't appreciate her, I do, I mean Will does.

"It's okay really; I just realized that I can't be married when I'm in love with someone else." She says sighing.

I know she meant Will but like the love sick woman that I am, I wanted to pretend it was me she was in love with. Gosh, I wanted to kiss her but God knows what would happen if I did. Tell her I love her and that I'll wait forever until she loves me back. Instead I hold her hand and she doesn't flinch at my touch, in fact she smiles. I'm happy I've made her smile; at least I'm one of those people who she actually trusts to make her feel comfortable.

And before I could even process what I was doing I was holding her in my arms, she was crying.

"I'm so sorry Holly... I'm in love with your boyfriend, why are you being so kind to me?" She finally speaks up.

I wish Will would just disappear, I wish it was just me and Emma but then again I would never have been here hugging her if it wasn't for Will.

I sigh and I hold her closer to me, "I know how much you love Will Emma, and it's really obvious that he loves you and that I'll always just be the substitute." I sigh and she raises her head up and she looks at me directly in the eyes.

"You're amazing Holly and one day you'll find someone just as amazing as you are who would love you as much as you love him." She tells me, she wipes her tears away and she pulls away from the hug, I loved the feeling of her in my arms so much that when she pulled away it felt like there was a hole wanting to be filled and the only one who could fill it is Emma.

It's like she heard my thoughts because she hugged me again, tightly this time. She's comfortable with me now and that's a great achievement. I can still feel that tears were falling down from her eyes because they were falling to the back of my shirt. I would usually snap at someone if they did that but this is Emma and anything from her I would accept.

I didn't know why but she pulls away immediately, she was staring past my shoulder. I turn around to see Will. They locked eyes, and even with just that you know that they're meant to be together.

I know I want Emma and I love Emma but Will does too and he can actually provide for her, and Emma loves Will, not me.

"Emma, you- you're here." he looked surprised and I was in awe at the sight before me.

"I came to see you." she tells him, Emma abandons me on the couch and she walks towards Will.

I have to accept the fact that it will always be like this, she would always choose him over me. And now that's clear to me. I want to help them, if I can't make Emma happy. I would just give that task to Will; even if that means hurting myself.

Emma finally reaches Will and she grabs both of his hands, Will's look of confusion easily shifts to one of love, love for Emma. It makes me sick but if it makes Emma happy, I should be happy too.

"Carl and I, we're not together anymore." she says. "but- but I have to go, I just came to tell you that." she bites her lower lip. "Have a nice date with Holly."

I should have just took that chance to save myself from the pain of seeing Will and Emma together but I wanted to make her happy so instead I say...

"No, stay," I get up and I get the things Will bought. "I'm going to go cook and you guys just warm up on the couch and I'll call you for dinner." I try to smile my best fake smile.

Will takes Emma's hand and they both walk to the couch together. Gosh Will is such a womanizer; his current girlfriend is going to cook dinner for him and the love of his life. The love of my life too but that shouldn't matter to anyone but me.

I finished about twenty to twenty five minutes later. I get out of the kitchen and I almost cried at the sight that was taking place in front of me. Will is on top of Emma, they're warming up quickly.

But gosh, Emma is so hot, kissing Will, moaning his name. She whispers something into Will's ear and Will gets off of her immediately. He looks in the direction where I am and he gulps, Emma standing up a few seconds after him.

"Dinner is ready!" I was surprised when Will was the only one who came closer to me and Emma sat back down on the couch. I preferred if it was the other way around.

Will and I were soon alone in the kitchen. "Hols, I'm so sorry," Will says to you. You want to cry so hard not because Will is breaking up with you but because this means Emma is taken again, by someone who loves her just as much as I do. But I don't cry because I'm Holly Holiday and I don't cry.

"It's okay, I always knew I never had a chance with you, you two are one of those couples that will always get back together no matter what happens." I say to him.

"You will always be a part of my life Holly."

I didn't really care about that, I want to be a part of Emma's life not his.

"Thank you. I better go now." I say to him, he nods and I walk out of the kitchen. Emma comes over to me and she hugs me. I hug her back.

I see Will from the corner of my eyes but I didn't care if they find out about my secret. I just have to do it; I will never come back to Lima Ohio again after this.

I lift Emma's chin up and I bend down to capture her lips in mine. I can feel her pull away but I don't let her. I don't know where Will is but I heard him scream something I couldn't understand, I was lost in her.

But that was before I felt Emma's palm hit my cheek. I pull away and my jaw drops, I put my hand to my face. "I'm so sorry Emma, I'm so sorry." I tell her, trying to take her hands off of her face, she was crying and Will was hugging her from behind.

"Get out of here Holly!" Will shouts.

"Emma, I'm sorry. I love you."

"Holly! Get out of my apartment!" Will screams again, this time enveloping Emma in a hug, her face in his chest.

"I love you Emma. I don't regret anything." And with that I walk out of the apartment, tears cascading down my face. Only Emma can make me cry that hard.

I can still hear her sobbing from outside of the door. I stop there, putting my hand on my face.

What have I done? I just lost everything I tried to build up.

I felt so bad for making Emma that uncomfortable and sad, but at the end of the day I know Will is going to make her feel better. I know Will is going to comfort her and they might end up in bed together tonight.

I don't believe what Emma says anymore, I'll always be the substitute. I was a substitute for Will when he was gone and Emma cried into my arms. I was a substitute of Emma when she was married to another man. I'll never be good enough. I wasn't good enough for Emma and I don't know what I will do now that I have come to terms with that.

She will always choose Will before me.

I hear her moan Will's name out, with that I break down and cry again.


	2. Chapter 2

I was back in the city I swore I would never come back to. It's been five years since 'the incident' as I call it, and even after five years, hundreds of hook ups and lots of therapies, I'm still in love with Emma Pillsbury. Well, last time I heard, she isn't a Pillsbury anymore but a Schuester. Bummer.

What brought me here? I don't know, what I do know is that now that I'm here I don't think I can stand not seeing her-Emma Pillsbury- and I know that it would break my heart but right now I don't really care cause I miss seeing her beautiful Bambi eyes that widen every time I come closer to her.

* * *

I've spent two whole days here in Lima and I've seen the English teacher I subbed for and the sex ed teacher I subbed for as well but no Emma. Every time I get a glimpse of red hair I start shouting her name, when the girl turns around, I discover it's not her. Gosh I'm so desperate.

* * *

A week and I still haven't found what I'm looking for, I'll leave in three days, I told my boss in New York but everybody knows that won't happen, I won't leave this town til I see her.

* * *

I'm sitting in a bench on the local park, with no hope of seeing Emma I don't know what I'm doing here anymore but I stay cause that's the kind of person I am, well that's the kind of person I became after her, after she unintentionally broke my heart. After her, I thought I'm a lesbian but time proved me wrong, she's the only one I want, nobody else, no woman nor man can be-

"Em!" I hear her name being said by a guy.

"Lunch is ready!" I turn back to see a guy sitting on a blanket with a little boy who I assume is two years old.

The guy looked old, maybe Emma's father, they have some features alike, Emma has his huge eyes.

I see the guy waving his hand towards Emma and then, there I saw her, fiery red hair and all, five years hasn't changed her. She still looks as young as ever. She wasn't looking towards her father though, it's like she doesn't even know he's here, she's staring right at me and I don't know how I didn't notice that.

Feeling more confident than ever I stand up and give her an endearing smile, she bites her lip nervously as I walk closer to her and if possible, her eyes got bigger.

"Hey Emma." I tell her giving her a hug which she returns.

Oh gosh, was she still thinking about 'the incident'? Was she still affected by it? Well I certainly am.

"Nice to see you here Miss Emma Pillsbury." I grin widely acting like the cheery woman I was before she changed me.

"I-It's Schuester actually." She lets out a huff of air.

"I-I'm sorry." I actually heard about that, but coming out of her own lips, it hurt a thousand times more.

"It's fine." she smiles this time and it actually seemed sincere. She takes me hand and I thought I was dreaming. "Uhm, Will and Tommy are over there, come with me so we can catch up?" she gives me a huge smile and I couldn't process anything so I just nod. "Great!" her accent was acting up and I couldn't help but squeeze her hand a little tighter.

Will was looking at us in distraught, the little boy who was beside who I assumed is Emma's father was trying to get Will's attention but her fails.

"Emma," he looks at his wife weirdly, "Holly, what are you doing here in Lima?" he tries to act all cool and happy but I don't buy it.

"Just decided to visit." I try to smile sincerely but I can tell he doesn't buy it, Will shots me a cold glare and Emma shoots him a look. She's standing up for me, aw Emma.

"Dad, this is Holly Holliday." She says, grabbing my hand as she pulled me to her father. Will shots me a look.

"Hi Holly, it's very nice to meet you." her dad smiles at me and I smile back at him. I tuck some of my hair at the back of my ear and I swear I could be blushing. I was meeting the parents or parent as a matter of fact.

"Tom, Tommy!" Emma calls out and the little boy runs towards her and he hugs her, making her hand let go of mine. She laughs and finally brings Tom near me, "This is my son, Tom-tom." she says ruffling his hair. "Right bud?"

"Yup." the boy answers, he looks like a mix of both Will and Emma and though he's an innocent little child I despise him. I try to smile my best fake smile and I guess Emma buys it. I kneel down and I smile widely at the boy.

"My name is Holly." he grabs my hand and shakes it.

"It's nice to meet you miss Holly." he bites his lip, a trait he inherited from Emma and I couldn't help but find it adorable. "You're really pretty." he tells me, I giggle and he starts to hide behind Emma's dress.

"Tommy," Emma laughs and the sound just fills me with so much joy.

Could Emma just say that I'm pretty instead of the little boy?

* * *

Will excused himself and Emma from where we were and through instinct I went to follow them. Not too near but enough for me to hear what they were talking about.

"But Emma-" Will argued.

"But what Will?" Emma was trying her best to stay composed, even without seeing her, I could notice that.

"God, have you forgotten what happened five years ago?!" Will shouts, but he's not mad at Emma, he's mad at me. They were fighting because of me, because Emma's being so kind to me. "She kissed you Emma, she kissed you! And I don't know why but seeing you holding her hand and dragging her all around the place to meet your father and Tommy, I think I'm kinda jealous." Will says defensively.

"That was five yeas ago Will. I don't think she really meant to kiss me then, it must have been a mistake. I just want to give her a second chance. She's my friend, and-and Will, we're married." Emma tells him.

God she's clueless. I love her, I loved her then and I love her now, how can she be so blind to that?

There was a few seconds of silence.

"I don't know Em, I know it's been five years and that you're totally straight but what if you do fall for her? What if you start having these feelings for her and she has the same feelings and one day, you might just decide to leave me and run to her?" I could sense the hurt in Will's voice, I knew I needed to go but I had to hear what Emma had to say.

"I love you Will, you! I have a child with you and Holly won't change anything. There's no one else I'm meant to be with than you. You know 'd never leave you for the world right? You're my soulmate." Then silence. I turn around to see them hugging each other, Emma pulls away and Will wipes away the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"I'll never doubt you again Em." Will says.

This is too much.

It's been five years but what I want is still the same, who I am is still the same.

I just want to be loved by her, but as always I'm just the substitute.

I walk away from that park, didn't even bother to say goodbye. I was so hurt and so mad at Will. He didn't hurt me really, I just can't blame it on Emma. No matter how hard I try to, I just can't.

* * *

It's my last day here in Lima. I needed to go back and work. And I couldn't stay in this stupid town anyway. It has given me so many bad memories that I couldn't even see why I wanted to come back here anyway. It's dull and boring here in Lima, just like how my life has been for the past five years. I was never this way but Emma just has that effect on me and I don't want her to anymore.

"Holly!" I turn back and I see her, Emma.

I try to walk faster but she's already seen me and she's not stopping til she gets to talk to me, I'm sure of that. I hear the sound of her heels on the sidewalk as she runs towards me.

"Holly, please stop." I hear her ragged breathing and I finally stop, sighing as I hear her getting nearer. I turn around and her face is as red as an apple.

"Please make it quick? I have a flight in four hours." I tell her, trying to act angry. It's just a facade, I couldn't stay angry at her. "I have to pack and get some things for my flight and-"

"Why did you leave two days ago?" she interrupted me, still trying to catch her breath.

"I needed to go, had to sort some things out." I lied.

"Why didn't you even say goodbye?" she looked hurt by what I had done.

"You were busy..." I trail off.

"No I wasn't." she says sternly.

"I just didn't want to distract you and Will." I give her a sarcastic smile and I turn away, playing with the hem of my skirt.

"Do you still love me Holly?" she was looking directly at me, I didn't realize that until I looked up at her. I clear my throat trying to process the five words that came out of her lips. "You- you kissed me five years ago."

"I was there Emma, no need for a recap." I roll my eyes.

"Holly, do you love me or not?" she raises her voice as she says this sentence.

"I don't know why you even thought of that." I laugh as normal as I could but I guess she can sense that I was lying.

"Please tell me the truth." she tells me, reaching out to hold my hands in hers. I close my eyes as her hands hold mine.

"If I told you the truth what would happen?" I ask her, my voice breaking at the last word.

"I-I don't know." she bites her lip and she looks down. My face falls and a few tears escape my eyes.

I retract my hands from hers. "I think it's best if you just forget I ever came back. Or it would be even better if you forgot that you met a woman named Holly." I tell her.

"But Holly, you haven't answered my question yet. Do you love me?" she puts her hand on her chest.

"Nothing's going to change, I don't need to answer anything." I tell her, once again I walk away but she wasn't going to let me off that easily. She grabs my elbow and she forces me to face her.

"My dad told me you followed Will and I and you left after that, was it because of what we were talking about?" she asks me.

"I love you." I tell her, I give her a small smile and I walk away. I look back to see that she was still staring at where I was standing. She didn't even bother to chase me.

"I'll never forget you Holly Holliday!" she shouts. "You brought me and Will together." She sniffles.

"That's one of my biggest regrets." I thought she wouldn't hear me but she is as fast as lightning, she was just at my back when I said those words.

"Regrets?" she asks confused.

"I want it to be me, holding your hand, having picnics with your father, being the one you wake up to, the one you fall asleep with, but it's never going to be that way isn't it?" I shook my head. "Don't even answer that, I already know, it would just hurt me more if it came from you."

"Well, thank you, for, for making me happy." she says, she gives me a sincere smile. "Thank you for sacrificing your own happiness for me." She sniffles. She gives me a hug and I do my best to not be a softy and hug her back and tell her you're welcome and all that crap. I push her away from me and she looks like she's about to cry.

"I'm sorry." I tell her, I truly am but I can't take it anymore. My heart has been broken too many times.

"I'll never forget you Holly, I mean it." she says. I sigh, walking away.

I don't believe her. She's just saying that to make me feel better.

I want to become the Holly I was before 'the incident' five years ago. I have to learn to move on from the past.

* * *

**1 year** later

I bite my lip and bat my eyelids as Josh offers his hand as we get out of his car. He's taking me to dinner cause Friday's our date night, well every night ends up like a date night since we live together but Fridays' are always the best.

"Aren't you looking awesome today Miss Holliday." he winks.

I roll my eyes. "Well, I'm awesome and unavailable at the same time." I tell him, laughing at the line I always say. The line the new Holly always says.

We get inside the restaurant and I sit down on the chair that Josh pulls out for me.

Lots of things have changed in the past six months. I met Josh and I stopped being a substitute teacher and I started teaching in NYU, as a teacher, a real teacher. That's where I met Josh, his son was in my class, he and his wife had a divorce four years ago and the boy told his father about me. He went out of his way to meet me, he told me that his schedule is flexible when in fact he had a hard time trying to reschedule meetings just to get to talk to me. After that day, things progressed and here we are now.

We got our orders and we both started talking about our day, I live in his place but we barely get enough time to talk to each other, we have lots of time but he never runs out of stories that interest me so much.

I was laughing at what Josh was saying about the new mail man being all confused in their office when: "Holly." I heard a voice coming from behind so naturally I looked back.

"Emma, why are you here?"

_Fuck._

"You two know each other?" Josh interrupts looking at me confused.

"Yeah." Emma answers enthusiastically with a smile.

"Um, Emma, this is my fiance, Josh." I give my best smile and Emma and Josh shake hands. Emma looked annoyed but I just let it go.

"So how did you guys know each other?" Josh asks, my mind almost goes blank and all I could remember was the first time I laid eyes on her. She bit her lip.

"Holly was a substitute teacher in the school I worked for, funny cause my husband was her boyfriend before." Emma giggles.

"Yeah speaking of Will, where is he?" I ask.

"He brought the glee club here for Nationals so they have to practice." Emma says sighing.

If I were Will, I would never leave her alone.

"Oh, so you're alone?" Josh asks.

"No, I'm meeting up with some friends." She looks around the restaurant and someone was waving at her. "That's them! It was really nice seeing you Holly, and it was a pleasure meeting you Josh." she smiles and her eyes sparkle as she walks away.

_She still has that effect on me._

* * *

I push her tiny frame to the wall of the small cubicle. She bites her lip.

"This is wrong Holly." I press my lips to hers once more. Her breathing gets ragged. "But right now, I don't really care." She pants, this time, she initiated the kiss.

"I never stopped loving you." I tell her.

"Why- why did you say yes to him then?" Emma tries to say between raged breaths.

"He made me happy and continues to make me happy." I tell her. She tries to lean in to kiss me again but I dodge it.

"Holly..."

"You-you're right this, this is wrong." I bite my lip, straighten my dress and I unlock the door of the cubicle.

"Holly..." she says my name again, as if trying to beg me to stay. I turn back.

"You're married Emma, you have a child. I'm getting married and I've worked my ass off to try and get over you. You've already ruined it but I can't let this go any further."

"Holly, please don't leave again." she says biting her lip.

"My fiance is waiting for me. I can't let you ruin this relationship Emma, cause I know you can. Only you could have that effect on me." I tell her and with that I leave the cubicle. I fix my make up and I get out of the bathroom.

"What happened Hol? Why did you take so long?" Josh asked.

"Sorry, the line was really long and I had to fix my make up." I told him.

"Oh," he nods. "You look perfect with or without make up baby." Josh says. He comes to my side, and makes me stand up.

"Where are we going?" I furrow my brows. "We haven't even paid yet."

"I paid already." he smiles. "It's raining Holly." he states.

"So what?" I ask him.

"Come on." He drags me outside, we were soaking wet in a few seconds. "I know how much you love dancing in the rain." he puts his hand on my hip and the other one held my hand.

"But there's no music." I tell him.

He starts to hum out a non-existent song.

I kiss him and he kisses me back, he pulls away and he rests his forehead on mine.

_I can't let Emma ruin this._

I see her in the corner or my eye, she's about to get inside a cab but instead she looks at me weirdly.

My hair that was once in a bun is now flowing freely and my dress is soaking wet.

I kiss Josh harder and a tear falls from her eyes, she gets inside the cab and it drives away.


End file.
